Monday, January 24, 2011

When I'm lost you'll be my guide.

Monday, 1/17/11, through Friday, 1/21/11

Road trip 2011
Sorry for posting a day late this week.  The road trip threw me off.  I drove 1000+ miles across four days, but oh! The sights that were seen! More on that later.  To the perfume!

Monday: Atelier Cologne Bois Blonds - Notes: Tunisian neroli, pink pepper, Moroccan orange flower, incense, Blond woods, musks, vetiver from Haiti The open is, as promised, lightly orange citrus with a peppery edge. Then it gets dry and stay subtly sweet. I really don't know what to think of this. It's not overly floral (look at those notes) but about fifteen minutes it's got a lightly clean floral thing going on. I'm not getting any musk or incense or vetiver, unless their sole purpose is to give this a dried, as opposed to live, flowers feeling. It's nice, but just that.: nice. 2.5 of 5.

Tuesday: Calypso Mimosa EdP - Well, hello Palmolive. Seriously, I put it on and immediately thought, "Wow, I smell like Palmolive." I had a friend sniff me, and she confirmed, yes I do indeed smell like a walking dish of famous green soap. This is one of those times that I'd usually go wash it off, but I made a commitment to you, my darlings, and this is the first test. So here I sit, Soap Girl, able to remove water spots from your precious crystal glasses you stupidly stuck in the dishwasher in seconds! FN1. FN2. Let's see it gets better in the next couple hours...

31 minutes later: Lots of Palmolive in water! Seriously considering setting my hand on fire to avoid another three hours of this. It's so strong!

2 hours, 10 minutes later: Yep, still very strong Palmolive. No other notes, no subtly, and very little fading. No longer notice the scent unless my hand comes near my face to reinforce its awfulness. Trying to treat said hand like a vestigial limb and ignore it.

4 hours, 17 minutes: OH DEAR SWEET JESUS, I MADE IT! And let me tell you, friends, it STILL smells exactly like Palmolive. Exactly. Okay, maybe it has just a tiny sweet undertone, but the overwhelming effect is still Palmolive, and also still about 50% of the initial strength.

The worst part? I just dabbed a little on my hand this morning. I cannot imagine full spraying this on anyone. Or anything for that matter. For any reason. Okay, maybe on a zombie, but I can't decide if that would be to make said zombie's rotting corpse smell better or try to frighten it away.

Excuse me, I have to go wash my hands right now. ZERO of 5. FN3.

Wednesday: Annick Goutal Ninfeo MioNotes: bergamot, citron, petitgrain, bitter orange, galbanum, lentisque, lavender, fig leaf and lemon tree wood. You know the part of the orange peel that isn't orange, it's white? The rind part? Someone made it a perfume! No, not really, but that was my first response to this scent.It's actually a really lovely, complex scent, but you must love the citrus, dear reader, to love this one. I smell bitter orange rind, lemon juice, and pepper, and oh wait for it -- five minutes the dreaded Play-Doh note. Man, it's been a long time since I hit a perfume that had that Play-Doh thing! A mild Play-Doh scent, comparatively speaking; like more an impression of Play-Doh, a play on Play-Doh, if you will. We will see if that drops out in the next twenty minutes or so. I really hope it does.

20 minutes later: Looking at reviews, a lot of people get figs out of this, and I guess I can see some fig in there, but it is working so hard against the citrus and lavender for me.

1 hour later: I guess I can see figs. An hour in, it's much more interesting, but the conflict keeps produce a background that is decidedly Play-Doh like on me.

2-4 hours: Okay, I see the figs, and they are nice.  I really do like the dominating fig part and the bitter citrus at the openning was interesting; I wish they'd left the lavender out completely because it feels like it is in a rolling on the ground tussel with the figs, which I think I would have liked better alone. 3 of 5.

Thursday: Tauer Perfumes Orange Star - I like this. It's sticky, sweet, and hot -- not warm, mind you, but hot -- and delicious! It's like someone took an orange, starred it with cloves, covered it in honey, and rolled it in dry herbal spices before setting it to simmer in a mixture of wine and vodka to scent a house for the holidays. It's strikes me as festive, but in a Christmas-in-Miami sort of way. And also it reminds of the taste of me of red hots! It's like red Fourth of July sparklers for your nose.

On me, there's very little development throughout, so I admit it's more or less a one note song, but what a note! It is nice now, but again, this is one that is probably better in warm weather.  I will definitely set it aside for a summer revisit. 4 of 5.

Friday: Pacifica Tahitian Gardenia solid perfume - You know those free vacations they advertise on late night television, the kind that is really a trick to get you stranded somewhere and try to sell you a condo? If those ads were scented, this is what they would smell like. Gardenia and coconut and artificial sunlight, the sort of scent appropriate to be piped into a casino on a tropical cruise ship for soothing the savage gambler and separating him from his money.

Which makes it sound like I don't like it, but I do. But if Annick Goutal Songes is long satin dresses with elbow gloves and symphony by the water, and CB I Hate Perfume At the Beach 1966 is driving in a Cadillac convertible along the coast with "Palisades Park" playing on the radio, then this is the elevator Muzak version of "Girl from Ipanema," leis made of silk flowers and plastic piping, "Eat at Joe's" t-shirts, and tiki torches with glowing light bulbs. It is the summer beach scent equivalent of a college co-ed "WOO" girl in a bikini and hot-pink cowgirl hat. FN4.

It has its place, which is frivolous and fun and not to be taken seriously...and there's a time for a scent like that, too. 2.5 of 5.

Winner of the weekTauer Perfumes Orange Star by a landslide.

"Come on, shine your heavenly body tonight
'cause I know you're gonna make everything all right.
You may be my lucky star,
but I'm the luckiest by far..."

~ "Lucky Star," Madonna
FN1. Why did you put them in there in the first place? You don't dishwash crystal! That's madness, I tell you! Madness!
FN2. Stupidest super power ever. They would kick me out of Xanth.
FN3. For those who think this was a really harsh review, I'd like to mention that this is only the second ZERO I have given EVER, so if you love this scent I am very sorry but it is TOTALLY DESERVED.
FN4. "Woo Girl" best explained by the following video:


star said...

I bought an Annick G Gardenia on sale and I like, but nothing really compares to Songes. It's not sounding like the other scents are doing for you.

Well, at least the stuff I got for you is okay. Not lovely, but okay. :)

Diana said...

Star, I actually like the scents a lot, and I keep them in my desk at work to make me feel better when I am sad. Part of it is that I don't have a lot of experience with solid perfumes, and I like that they aren't super demanding scents; they are like really good kettle corn. They may not make a meal, but you really like it all the same!

JoanElaine said...

I love humour in a perfume review and these were making me giggle. Love the footnotes!

Orange Star sounds like a winner to me. Your description was practically making my mouth water!

Re: the Palmolive thing - I once sampled a perfume that smelled of carpet shampoo.

Diana said...


Carpet cleaner? Yick.

As to the humor, my problem is that my humor tends to run high in the sarcasm , so when I'm writing about things I enjoy I find it harder to be funny, and I generally avoid writing bad reviews. I just feel terrible panning something someone else might love.

Not today, though. Not today.

Elisa Gabbert said...

I've definitely smelled that dish soap note in perfumes. Hate it, because the smell of Palmolive is uniquely disgusting to me. I'm convinced it's dihydromercenol, but I've never smelled it in isolation so I can't be sure.

Jillian The Thrillian said...